I truly hope and pray they’ll let me do this, the incredible experiences i can attain, all that I can learn, the the tremendous amount of pride that comes with it. Most importantly, I want to help them, these wonderful ppl who have done nothing but support and love me from before I was born, please please please, let me give back

damn, my mom just told me I’m a spoiled brat ;____; i mean spoiled sure but I didn’t think I was a brat ;_________;  also she said she rather have me living on campus since I’m apparently useless…. true I’m laughing it off in her face but that kinda hurt :/ 

There’s seemingly no escaping it

The tragedies that we face

Be it a school in CT

Now Boston’s marathon race

So many questions filtering in our minds

Yet to be answered

So much uncertainty in the eyes of the many gathered

Always asking why

Seemingly never finding out the reasons such horrifics take place

God what has become of the human race

What yet is there that we have to face

We question and worry

Hope and adhere to the news filtering in

Like a moth to a light

Most cannot help but move towards it

That light; seemingly giving us comfort

Or perhaps just blinds us for a while so we don’t have to dig deeper

Deeper into the chaos we are afraid has yet to unfold.  

                                                                                                  -K.Duré 

p.s. my birthday is on Friday. Now, things like this don’t really bother me but because we are on the subject I have a question. Everyone has asked it at one point or time but I personally don’t recall ever finding a real answer, might have blocked that information out during psych or something, i don’t know, but my question is: What do our dreams mean? Why can’t you remember them all the time? and of course Why do we dream? I personally would like to believe that our dreams, no matter how strange they are, are trying to tell us something or that once deciphered could be some sort of epiphany or warning.My cousin’s dream was very strait forward, but just like a work of literature there is always analysis that can be made in order to find out a deeper or possibly the true meaning behind what the author is trying to say. My cousin being the evasive person that she is texted that to me yesterday, and proceed to give me no other information than ” I had a dream yu died”. Now, like i said, the information does not bother me but my biggest problem is when i learn some “extra - ordinary” piece of information, it sticks with me and I toy around with the idea. Do not misunderstand, I do not toy around with the idea of killing myself, I toy around with the idea, “well what if I was dead” and then the more I think about it, the more I hate myself, then i go to sleep. Now today, my cousins calls me and explains the dream to me which turns into a different animal because now its been verified that i did not die in her dream, i was killed. I am sorry for all of you who feel the need to read this if it disturbs you in anyway, it is really just for me to put my thoughts to something more substantial then for them to stay in the confines of my sometimes twisted slightly fatigued mind. But anyway finding out that new piece of information i am troubled. I want to die one of two ways; either peacefully after 90 something years of a happy life next to my husband or in place of someone else. I would like to believe for example if I had the power to move a child, a friend, a person of positive influence, *cough Darren cough* out of the way of a speeding car that i would be strong enough to do it (not physically more like psychologically). This is my over imaginative nature talking now, but yea, some kind of heroic end i guess xD. But anyway I am not going to dwell because one thing i believe above all else is that my time isn’t quite here yet. I am a firm believer in the powers that be and I’m pretty sure he’s saying ” you don’t get off the hook that easily, I still have 6 more years of the college (you call it torture) for you to go through.” So you best believe I will be back here Friday April 27th 2012 letting everyone know that I have successful made it in this crazy, messed up, amusing, disappointing, rewarding, funny, annoying, corrupt world.

19 years strong :).